Full Disclosure

To tell, or not to tell? That is the question.

As much as we may try to convince ourselves otherwise, we all want to be loved and accepted by others. We want people to think highly of us and not judge us for our imperfections. To avoid rejection, we often keep parts of ourselves hidden from the very people that we want to be closest to. We don't express our hopes and fears, nor do we share the mistakes that we have made in the past. Unfortunately, this only leaves us feeling isolated and doubting our self worth. After all, how can someone really love us if they don't know who we really are?

Full disclosure is a leap of faith. Showing the world who you are, imperfections and all, is a scary thing. We don't know how others are going to react and more often than not, we project that they will meet our confessions with rejection. So rather than sharing who we are, we continue to hide behind our social mask, hoping that we can maintain the persona that we have created, all the while feeling alone.

When we fail to let people know us, we live our lives feeling isolated. If no one knows the "real you," how can they fully love and accept you? This becomes a vicious cycle: you don't feel accepted, so you hide more of who you are, retreating behind your social veneer farther and farther until you feel completely alienated. What you don't realize is that you are doing it to yourself!

Meaningful relationships are built on trust and acceptance. If you do not have trust in the people around you to accept who you really are, then perhaps you are hanging out with the wrong people. People instinctively want to connect with others- it's how we're wired. We all want to feel part of something bigger than ourselves, part of a larger group. We want to belong. However in order for that to happen, we must have faith that those around us will love us, blemishes and all.

Everyone has their issues. No one is perfect, and no one expects you to be perfect either. Perfection is a myth- an unattainable goal. Besides, the idea of perfection is subjective anyway- one person's "perfect" may be another person's crap! The best anyone can strive for is to try to live their lives being true to themselves.

Confidence and great relationships are based on being honest with yourself and honest with others. People are not always going to agree with your opinions, and that's OK. You're also going to occasionally say or do things that people don't like or don't agree with, and that's OK too. But at least you will know who you are and others will know you too.

If you really want to gain confidence and have meaningful relationships, start practicing full disclosure. Show people who you really are. Talk to them about your experiences, both good and bad. Share what you have learned in this life so far. Sharing yourself with others creates confidence and bonds you with the people in your life. The people that love you are going to accept that you are not perfect. When people share who they are, they learn from one another and create a sense of community.

We have to remember that in order to create a meaningful existence, we need to connect with others. Without full disclosure, there is no connection. If you want to make an impact, be true to yourself and honest with others. You are unique and beautiful. People will accept you. Strong relationships will develop and your confidence will increase. Being honest about who you are will enhance every aspect of your life. So what are you waiting for? Get out there and show the world the real you!

Finding Happiness

How often have you heard people say "If only I had (fill in the blank: more money/a better job/a different partner), I would be happy?" It is as if they believe that by changing a circumstance, all of their problems will be solved. Now I don't deny that sometimes circumstances do need to change for a person to live their best life, however the point that I am trying to make here is that if a person is constantly looking to "find happiness" outside of themselves, they will always wind up being disappointed.

Happiness is not a destination, it is a state of mind. Searching for happiness is a futile endeavor; being happy is not.

Isn't that great news? We don't have to rely on any other source than ourselves to be happy. All we have to do is choose it!

I know that some of you may be thinking that it is easier said than done, but it really is that simple. Here's a couple of tips:

Stop upsetting yourself. Sometimes your imagination can be your own worst enemy. We often get stuck in a rut obsessing about problems. We rerun conflicts through our mind on a continuous loop, playing out a zillion different scenarios of what what we should have said or done differently. Sometimes we even create our own drama by making up conflicts that don't even exist. It's like we're writing a screenplay for a very bad soap opera. Stop it already! This kind of thinking is not good for your state of mind. It creates a lot of anxiety and keeps you focused on the past. When you catch yourself engaging in that sort of thought process, refocus on something else. Interrupt your negative thoughts and substitute something more positive and forward thinking. Worry and negative obsessing about an unpleasant circumstance will only bring you down.

Stop thinking about what you don't have. Seriously. We have gotten to the point in our society that we have lost our grip on reality. Consumerism and pop culture have created such a void in our psyches that we have all but forgotten that we are more fortunate than most of the people in this world. Even if you have suffered major setbacks: job loss, illness or loss of a loved one, there are many others that are worse off than you. Life is sometimes hard and often messy. It's just the way it is. The good news is that with pain comes purpose. The bad stuff that comes your way is kind of like having a fracture: we get stronger in the broken places. Start practicing downward comparison. I recently went through a bit of an emotional rough patch and was feeling pretty blue. When I opened my eyes to those around me and heard what they were going through, I realized that I was incredibly fortunate by comparison. Oh sure, I could always compare myself to someone that is smarter/richer/prettier than me, but that's just going to make me feel bad. A much more effective thought process is to compare myself to those less fortunate; it makes me grateful for what I have rather than thinking about what I lack. Gratitude is a gift that you give yourself.

Act like a child. No, I'm not saying to be egocentric and throw temper tantrums when you don't get your way. I'm saying that we should never lose our sense of curiosity, joy and laughter. Remember what it was like when you didn't worry about what others thought of you and you weren't trying to fit yourself into a model of what society wanted you to be? Remember when you were free to act silly and laugh at yourself? As adults, we take ourselves way too seriously; we have all but lost our sense of humor when it comes to ourselves. We've forgotten that joy can be found in the smallest things: the graceful way an autumn leaf falls to the ground, the smell of freshly mowed grass, the warmth of the sun on our faces. We get too busy in our lives to notice all of the magic around us. We forget how to play. Think back on the simple pleasures you enjoyed as a child: climbing a tree, rolling down a hill, swinging high on a swing. Remember how good all of those things made you feel? Embrace your creative and childlike spirit. Try new things and go new places. Get out of your routine and just go explore life as if it were a wonderful scavenger hunt. Laugh at yourself and surround yourself with people that you love. Talk to your friends about ideas rather than just problems. You'll be amazed at the way it can change your relationships and your focus.

Life is a journey. The end result will be the same for all of us. None of us are getting out of this alive, so we might as well try to enjoy the process as much as possible. Stop waiting for something/someone to come along to make you happy. It's not going to happen. Happiness is an emotional state, not a destination or end result of a circumstance. I think that's pretty good news, since my state of mind is about the only thing I have control of in this crazy world.