Finding Happiness

How often have you heard people say "If only I had (fill in the blank: more money/a better job/a different partner), I would be happy?" It is as if they believe that by changing a circumstance, all of their problems will be solved. Now I don't deny that sometimes circumstances do need to change for a person to live their best life, however the point that I am trying to make here is that if a person is constantly looking to "find happiness" outside of themselves, they will always wind up being disappointed.

Happiness is not a destination, it is a state of mind. Searching for happiness is a futile endeavor; being happy is not.

Isn't that great news? We don't have to rely on any other source than ourselves to be happy. All we have to do is choose it!

I know that some of you may be thinking that it is easier said than done, but it really is that simple. Here's a couple of tips:

Stop upsetting yourself. Sometimes your imagination can be your own worst enemy. We often get stuck in a rut obsessing about problems. We rerun conflicts through our mind on a continuous loop, playing out a zillion different scenarios of what what we should have said or done differently. Sometimes we even create our own drama by making up conflicts that don't even exist. It's like we're writing a screenplay for a very bad soap opera. Stop it already! This kind of thinking is not good for your state of mind. It creates a lot of anxiety and keeps you focused on the past. When you catch yourself engaging in that sort of thought process, refocus on something else. Interrupt your negative thoughts and substitute something more positive and forward thinking. Worry and negative obsessing about an unpleasant circumstance will only bring you down.

Stop thinking about what you don't have. Seriously. We have gotten to the point in our society that we have lost our grip on reality. Consumerism and pop culture have created such a void in our psyches that we have all but forgotten that we are more fortunate than most of the people in this world. Even if you have suffered major setbacks: job loss, illness or loss of a loved one, there are many others that are worse off than you. Life is sometimes hard and often messy. It's just the way it is. The good news is that with pain comes purpose. The bad stuff that comes your way is kind of like having a fracture: we get stronger in the broken places. Start practicing downward comparison. I recently went through a bit of an emotional rough patch and was feeling pretty blue. When I opened my eyes to those around me and heard what they were going through, I realized that I was incredibly fortunate by comparison. Oh sure, I could always compare myself to someone that is smarter/richer/prettier than me, but that's just going to make me feel bad. A much more effective thought process is to compare myself to those less fortunate; it makes me grateful for what I have rather than thinking about what I lack. Gratitude is a gift that you give yourself.

Act like a child. No, I'm not saying to be egocentric and throw temper tantrums when you don't get your way. I'm saying that we should never lose our sense of curiosity, joy and laughter. Remember what it was like when you didn't worry about what others thought of you and you weren't trying to fit yourself into a model of what society wanted you to be? Remember when you were free to act silly and laugh at yourself? As adults, we take ourselves way too seriously; we have all but lost our sense of humor when it comes to ourselves. We've forgotten that joy can be found in the smallest things: the graceful way an autumn leaf falls to the ground, the smell of freshly mowed grass, the warmth of the sun on our faces. We get too busy in our lives to notice all of the magic around us. We forget how to play. Think back on the simple pleasures you enjoyed as a child: climbing a tree, rolling down a hill, swinging high on a swing. Remember how good all of those things made you feel? Embrace your creative and childlike spirit. Try new things and go new places. Get out of your routine and just go explore life as if it were a wonderful scavenger hunt. Laugh at yourself and surround yourself with people that you love. Talk to your friends about ideas rather than just problems. You'll be amazed at the way it can change your relationships and your focus.

Life is a journey. The end result will be the same for all of us. None of us are getting out of this alive, so we might as well try to enjoy the process as much as possible. Stop waiting for something/someone to come along to make you happy. It's not going to happen. Happiness is an emotional state, not a destination or end result of a circumstance. I think that's pretty good news, since my state of mind is about the only thing I have control of in this crazy world.