Center of the Universe

One of the most liberating realizations that I have ever had is that I am not the center of the universe. Oh sure, it sounds really cool to be the cause of all things that happen, however I think that by releasing the belief that everyone's behavior is somehow related to me, I was able to gain freedom from anxiety and was able to develop a much greater compassion for those around me.

There was a time in my life that I believed that everyone's emotional state of mind was somehow a result of something that I said or did. Every perceived slight created a sense of anxiety in me that I had somehow "done something" to upset that person or make them act that way. If a sales clerk was rude or inattentive, they were somehow responding negatively to me. If my partner was quiet or surly, it was because I had said or done something wrong. If my boss was dismissive, it must be because she was unhappy with my work. If a friend didn't return my call right away, she must be mad at me. You get the picture: I created my own stress and insecurity. What I needed to do was to take myself out of the equation. Chances were, their behavior had nothing to do with me anyway, and by not assuming that I was the cause of people's negativity, I was able to free myself from unnecessary anxiety. My overactive imagination became an impediment to developing happy and healthy relationships with those around me, so I decided to stop thinking that the world and everyone else's behavior revolved around me.

Another thing that I stopped doing is assuming that I understood everyone else's motivation. We've all been driving down the freeway when someone comes speeding along, tailgating and swerving in and out of vehicles. "What an asshole!" is usually our reaction. If this happens on a day in which we may be feeling a little aggressive, we turn into the idiot that we perceive that driver to be! We speed up or slow down so that driver can't pass. Or we flip off the person off or yell profanities. But let's reframe this: what if that person is really rushing to the hospital or experiencing some other sort of emergency? Maybe that person is not really a jerk at all, but just reacting to some stimuli that is unknown by us. By not assuming the other driver's motivation, we keep ourselves from becoming the asshole that we perceive them to be.

Many of us work in high pressure jobs, and unfortunately, people in the workplace don't always treat their colleagues with tact and diplomacy. But if we assume that our co-worker's short-temper or ill-phrased comment is a reflection of their opinion of us, we may be doing ourselves a disservice and harming an otherwise good working relationship. What if you just cut your co-worker a little slack, and instead of assuming that he or she is reacting to you, just chalk it up to them having a bad day? By not making someone else's behavior about you, you are able to handle situations and interact with people with much more understanding.

We all have a tough time when we feel as though someone is not being sensitive to our needs and feelings, but let's face it- it's not always about us. Sometimes it's just about them. You can save yourself a lot of grief by letting go of the belief that everyone's behavior is somehow a reaction to you. By not thinking that you are the center of the universe, you free yourself from everyone else's emotional gravity.