The Fence

Now that I am single, I'm spending more time with my friends. I'm fortunate to have some amazing people in my life that really care about me. Some of them have been my friends for a long time; others are recent additions that came along since my status change.

It's interesting to listen to my friends talk about their relationships or lack thereof. Most people that are in relationships don't want to be in them most of the time; and most single people yearn to be part of a couple. Everyone is so busy looking over the fence, that they don't bother enjoying what is in their own backyard.

My coupled friends spend a large amount of their time complaining about their significant others and pining away for the free and easy single life. They either don't seem to know how to make a relationship work, or they feel that their mate is incapable of making them happy. It seems as if they relinquish all control over their own happiness to their mate. Their focus is on what their mate should or shouldn't be doing to make them happy. They neglect to consider how their own behaviors affect the quality of the relationship. They forget that in order for a relationship to work, both parties must be focused on the well-being of the other. If the focus is on the self, the relationship is doomed to fail.

Of course, most of my single friends want someone to share their life with. They talk about feeling lonely and missing the physical touch of a lover. Everywhere they look, they see blissful couples strolling hand in hand down the boulevard of life. It feels as if everyone is paired off and they are the odd person out. They long for the companionship that being in a relationship brings. No more lonely Saturday nights and going to weddings alone. All would be right with the world if only they could find their "soul mate." They share horror stories of the dating scene and complain that all of the "good one's are taken."

Is anyone ever truly satisfied with their relationship status? It seems as if everyone is looking over the fence, admiring how green the grass seems to be on the other side.

Believe it or not, knowing that this kind of dissatisfaction exists equally among the attached and single, gives me a sense of peace. I know, you're wondering how relationship status envy can create anything other than a sense of angst, but if you think about it, it's pretty simple. Here's the liberating truth: most people that are in relationships want to be single, therefore being in a relationship does not automatically make you happy and whole. Being happy and whole by yourself is the key to satisfaction, regardless of your relationship status. And if you are in a relationship, stop focusing on your own selfish needs and start thinking in terms of being the kind of partner that you want yourself. All of us need to stop looking over the fence. Most people that climb over are disappointed that they did. It's like they say, your neighbor's grass may look pretty darn good from the other side, but you'd probably feel differently if you had to mow it.

Crazy love

Why does love makes us so crazy?



Love can take a completely rational human being and turn him or her into a raging psychotic in less than 30 seconds. Why? Just what is it about this crazy emotion that can turn us inside out? And why do we attach ourselves to people that bring out the worst of us anyway?



I have to confess, I have engaged in immature, even psychotic behavior. I remember when I was about 5 years old and my first little boyfriend, Donald, decided that he liked my best friend better. I sat out on the curb and sobbed, threatening to "sick my dog on him." At the time, it was the worst threat that I could come up with. At 15, when I found out that my boyfriend Ricky was flirting with somebody else, I enlisted a troop of my friends and T.P.'d his house. Somehow I thought that these acts of revenge would make me feel better.



Oh, trust me, I haven't necessarily gotten any better since my youth. I have focused all kinds of energy fantasizing of revenge scenarios involving those that have broken my heart. The good news is, I try to refrain from acting them out. The operative word being "try." And no, I'm not about to go into a full confessional of my own bad behavior or give some big lecture about how revenge only hurts oneself. The truth of the matter is, revenge feels great. At least for a moment. The problem with revenge and spending a lot of emotional energy in creating revenge scenarios is that it keeps you stuck in the past, when what you really need to be doing is moving forward. Yes, you want bad things to happen to bad people, but really, if you just leave things alone and focus on your future, the universe will work things out for itself. Bad things will happen to bad people. Unfortunately, bad things also happen to good people- that's just the way the world works.



So instead of getting all crazy over lost love, just accept things for what they are: lessons learned and experiences gained. Focus on your future; your past will always be your past- no sense in it continuing to be your present. Don't let love drive you crazy, because crazy never looks good on anyone.

Beginning the Journey

Life is odd, isn't it? Sure, like most things, it has a beginning and an end, but the most interesting stuff is what goes on in between. Most beginnings are all about the same, embryo develops, mother gives birth, yada-yada. And nobody really wants to think about death, because that's just depressing. The point is, it's everything in between the beginning and the end that is supposed to mean something. The journey- the mythic adventure that we call life...

Well I'm no philosopher, nor am I a poet, and I'm not a psychologist either (although I often play one in my day job). I'm just a member of this human race that realizes that we're all in this together, whether we like it or not. No matter who you are, or what your life is about, you share commonality with others on this planet. It's our emotions, our struggles and our triumphs that bind us to each other.

I'll be commenting on what my journey is all about: the roadblocks, accidents, mishaps and great sights along the way. So come on along. Let's take a ride