The Fence

Now that I am single, I'm spending more time with my friends. I'm fortunate to have some amazing people in my life that really care about me. Some of them have been my friends for a long time; others are recent additions that came along since my status change.

It's interesting to listen to my friends talk about their relationships or lack thereof. Most people that are in relationships don't want to be in them most of the time; and most single people yearn to be part of a couple. Everyone is so busy looking over the fence, that they don't bother enjoying what is in their own backyard.

My coupled friends spend a large amount of their time complaining about their significant others and pining away for the free and easy single life. They either don't seem to know how to make a relationship work, or they feel that their mate is incapable of making them happy. It seems as if they relinquish all control over their own happiness to their mate. Their focus is on what their mate should or shouldn't be doing to make them happy. They neglect to consider how their own behaviors affect the quality of the relationship. They forget that in order for a relationship to work, both parties must be focused on the well-being of the other. If the focus is on the self, the relationship is doomed to fail.

Of course, most of my single friends want someone to share their life with. They talk about feeling lonely and missing the physical touch of a lover. Everywhere they look, they see blissful couples strolling hand in hand down the boulevard of life. It feels as if everyone is paired off and they are the odd person out. They long for the companionship that being in a relationship brings. No more lonely Saturday nights and going to weddings alone. All would be right with the world if only they could find their "soul mate." They share horror stories of the dating scene and complain that all of the "good one's are taken."

Is anyone ever truly satisfied with their relationship status? It seems as if everyone is looking over the fence, admiring how green the grass seems to be on the other side.

Believe it or not, knowing that this kind of dissatisfaction exists equally among the attached and single, gives me a sense of peace. I know, you're wondering how relationship status envy can create anything other than a sense of angst, but if you think about it, it's pretty simple. Here's the liberating truth: most people that are in relationships want to be single, therefore being in a relationship does not automatically make you happy and whole. Being happy and whole by yourself is the key to satisfaction, regardless of your relationship status. And if you are in a relationship, stop focusing on your own selfish needs and start thinking in terms of being the kind of partner that you want yourself. All of us need to stop looking over the fence. Most people that climb over are disappointed that they did. It's like they say, your neighbor's grass may look pretty darn good from the other side, but you'd probably feel differently if you had to mow it.